My biggest supporter passed away and now I realize just how much her support carried me. She was at the base of my belief in myself. At times I feel as though I am drifting in space after having lost contact with the mothership. My grounding is gone, I am no longer centered, the wind has gone out of my sails. All the art I ever did, I did for her. Now what?
Part of me has not accepted that she is gone, it is as though, in my mind, she is still there, in her favorite chair in our childhood home. Recently I was able to persuade her to paint with me. We watched painting videos, we painted, we shared.
Not long ago an art mentor who shared his ideas and thoughts about art passed away and I remembered being shocked, thinking that he would always be there. Why did I think things would not change? A cloud of complacency enchanted me.
I am sluggish. Maybe this is a good time to pick up a brush and just begin. She would want that. I know she would.